Sara ([info]gentleflower) wrote,
@ 2007-03-05 17:33:00
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Entry tags:lj - anonymous confessional

ANONYMOUS CONFESSIONAL
Leave me an anonymous comment pouring your heart out. Say anything. Tell me your stories, your secrets, those things no one ever asks but you wish to tell. Tell me about your love, your hate, your indifference, your joy. Tell me about what's inside of you when you're reading through these entries on your friends list, and tell me why you continue to come back here. Tell me anything. Tell me what you really think of me or yourself. Anything.

Post anonymously [by selecting the anonymous box]. Speak honestly, because there isn't any censure here. Post as many times as you like. One faceless wonder to another. You don't have to be on my friends list. You can just be stopping through. It doesn't matter.

And then, pass it on.

I stole this from a LOT of you. I think this really is something beautiful and it's a great opportunity to tell people the unsaid, or how you really feel, or your hopes & dreams. Whatever you have to say is worth saying, so don't hold back, okay?

♥


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(Anonymous)
2007-03-05 05:05 pm UTC (link)
I go through phases of eating normally/not being able to eat. I went through this weird phase in October of not being able to eat lunch at school, or not being able to go anywhere near anything sweet (like chocolate) without the fear of putting on weight. I felt really self concious about myself (which is unusual because I'm not usually like that) and I kind of starved myself, but not intentionally. I don't really know why it happened, but I ended up losing like 1 and a half stone (which is about 10kg) in like 2/3 weeks and I'll never really understand why it happened.

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(Anonymous)
2007-03-05 05:17 pm UTC (link)
sitting next to someone and knowing at the same time that you can't ever be with that person though he is the most perfect one is so exhausting especially if you are looking at each other and he's starring at you with that dreamy smile and these superhonest eyes and everything you want is to cuddle him and never let go - so tell me why does life have to be like this and what is the matter if you can't get what you want anyway..everybody is unhappy & the one they love just don't love them back but they are so focused on that person and don't see what's around them which is shitty and makes me furious. sometimes. sometimes the world is fine.
But still. sometimes OFTEN it's that way. Yay life wins.

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(Anonymous)
2007-03-05 05:24 pm UTC (link)
I am sometimes very jealous of my friends because they are best friends and tell each other really everything and meet every day. And I want that, too. I mean, I can tell them everything, but I think they don't tell me and that hurts me. I always see them talking about some mysterious stuff and I ask myself why they can't tell me. I want to know, I really listen and if I can, find a solution.
And on the other side, I feel like I have nobody to talk about my feelings. I mean, sure I can talk to them about my problems, but there's just nobody I can tell what I think and feel and who really understands me.

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(Anonymous)
2007-03-05 06:00 pm UTC (link)
ive had a rough weekend, my manic episode caused me to be awake from 7 am saturday, all of saturday night, all of sunday till 11pm, AWAKE. finally i drifted off to sleep, funny its the most calm ive ever felt.

i never thought i could do this, and im afraid that i will someday fall in love. the one man who was suppose to protect me, hurt me more than anything, made me breakable, my dad. i hate him, but i love him. i hate that i love him. he's made it impossible for me to ever trust a man, im so distant with men, that they cant touch me, if they try to get to know me, my walls come up, practically all human contact with me i get defensive, i get paranoid, any connections i have with someone i end up breaking with them because i WILL NOT fall in love. and even if i do, i'd break it off before i show my vulnerability. kinda like house, i withdraw, that's why im like him. connectivity scares the hell out of me, i purposely push people away, and usually they get tired of it and leave me, which only proves me right in an irritating way, that i really can never depend on anyone. not in this life, not ever. im all i have, and im fine that way. i dont need love, nor do i want it. i will not let men in, i cant.

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(Anonymous)
2007-03-05 06:04 pm UTC (link)
You are an incredibly talented, wonderful person and I really really wish I knew you better than i do now.

When i see something on your journal that was inspired by me, i feel so honored and special. Knowing that out of all those people you know, you picked me means the world to me.

~~

I have a very close RL friend that I havent seen in a while because we live a couple of hours away from each other. She says she wants to see me and keep in touch, but pretty much everytime i call her she doesnt answer...and hardly ever returns my messages. I've heard other people complain about her not answering and just shutting everyone out and I've been trying to tell myself that she'd never do that to me...but I'm slowly starting to lose faith on that one. I'm not really sure what to do anymore. I feel kinda bad for saying this but I really can't help but feel this way.

~~

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(Anonymous)
2007-03-05 06:12 pm UTC (link)
I need someone to give me a hug now and hold me till I fell into sleep. Seriously slowly but surely I'm drowning and I'm so endlessly tired & just can't manage this learning stuff because I don't give a shit.

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(Anonymous)
2007-03-05 06:27 pm UTC (link)
When I was a child I knew this boy and he was my best friend but a lot of adult-shit happened which I didn't understand at this time and they moved. I missed him because it was just as if he had vanished. Then I found out his adress over the internet & wrote a letter. This was about 5 years after he had moved and we hadn't talked all that time. So he wrote me a sms and I was like dancing around. It seemed as if he was happy to get my letter but then he wrote something like he doesn't have any money left on his mobile and "until I-don't-know-when". So I again have heard nothing from him for 3 years. The time when we were playing in his garden & he was pulling me into the trees to give me a kiss at the cheek is now gone for 8 years and I just can't help wondering what he looks & speaks & thinks like now and into what kind of men he turned. I still miss him and I think I'll wonder my whole life what happened to the only best friend I had in a boy.

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(Anonymous)
2007-03-05 06:41 pm UTC (link)
Everyday I'm finding more and more reasons to not want to keep in touch with my best friend once we go to college.

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(Anonymous)
2007-03-05 06:48 pm UTC (link)
I can't work out how to enable anonymous posting on my journal and I wanna repost this meme and it makes me feel like a bit of a loser.

I also feel like I'm loosing one of my best friends.... and I don't feel to bothered about it. I mean, it is sad and stuff, but she's been so weird recently... does that make me a bad person? x

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(Anonymous)
2007-03-05 06:54 pm UTC (link)
sometimes one should try. sometimes there's just nothing left to save. Feeling the same lately..it sucks but I just don't think I could get anything out of that friendship anymore.

hope you don't mind me commenting...i'm just in a weird mood

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(Anonymous)
2007-03-05 08:37 pm UTC (link)
i really want to be a doctor someday.
but i have this fear of failing.
and i'm afraid that i'll never make it anywhere.
and the idea of being in college/on my own is extremely scary.

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(Anonymous)
2007-03-05 10:41 pm UTC (link)
I am often very annoyed by my mother. She just has these annoying habits and talks about things I don't care about. In my head I often go: shut up, shut up, bla bla, please go away... Which makes me feel mean, cos she's such a sweet woman! She sees her children as the most important thing in her life, even more important than herself. And here I am, often not liking her very much. I hate it, I wish I could see her the way others see her, as a very sweet and caring mother, but I only seem to see the negative things. I do love her though and I know in my heart I'm so lucky to have such a sweet mother... I just like my dad better, our personalities match and I look up to him in so many ways. I guess I just don't have that same bond with my mom, cos in some ways we are very different.. well maybe not that different, maybe it's just that I don't want to be too much like her.. I don't know..

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(Anonymous)
2007-03-06 02:23 am UTC (link)
this is my ideal - anonimity. it was the whole point of a livejournal...and then i got to know you all and i love all of my flist so much but i know them and its the oposite of what i wanted the journal for. this meme is my ideal...for people to listen but not know who is talking.

i have a secret desire to be a singer. when i was younger my mum told me i was a shit singer...not in so many words, but that i wasnt very good and now i have a literal fear of singing in front of people. but i know im good at it.

i pretend that im more mature and that i dont miss drugs...but i miss them every day. i think about them every day.

i cant keep a partener because im cold. thats what they all tell me - im non-emotive and they dont understand that i have emotions but i just dont talk about them - im just about to give up hope of finding someone who can deal with the fact that i dont like to talk about emotions and feelings and all that crap [as i refer to it!].

i lie sometimes to hide myself from the truth and the truth from other people. im quite good at it these days.

i have an emotional crush on my best friend. i would never sleep with her - but i want to be with her all the time. i will never tell her. i try not to think about it even on my own.

im not preparend to give up my LJ friends for anonimity - im lonely so i have used this meme to my full advantage - thanks!

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(Anonymous)
2007-03-06 06:13 am UTC (link)
I've been lying to someone very close to me about something. I think that within in the next few weeks, I will have to be honest with said person.

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(Anonymous)
2007-03-06 08:13 am UTC (link)
I'm to a point where nothing I do is doing any good - in one part of my life, I mean. I never claimed to be perfect, I know I've got plenty of faults. But I'm doing what I can to make it right, and it isn't helping. Nothing's working, nothing's changing. It isn't even being given a chance to change, and I just want to cry. Cry for how helpless it feels, cry for caring when someone else doesn't. I hate to cry but right now it feels like an excellent idea.

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(Anonymous)
2007-03-06 01:36 pm UTC (link)
i think your graphics are awesome...

*****this is about someone else, i just really need to be emo right now, and i don't want my friends to feel like i'm being like that again*****

i wish you would go online right now. you don't know it, but i love you. i mean what would a teenager know about love right? i'm willing to wait for you. please, i'll do anything.....it's not about how you feel, it's about what you do...i'm not sure if you're in love with someone else right now, but i'll just be here, waiting...

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(Anonymous)
2007-03-06 02:38 pm UTC (link)
shit I forgot to post anonymous, but if you see what I wrote, that's entirely ok with me. I meant everything I said.

My lj friends are really important to me, because I can really be myself around them. Yeah I know it's my journal and it shouldn't be any other way, but still. They don't make fun of the things I love like my real life friends do.

I'd really like to get to know a lot of people on my flist better, including you.

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(Anonymous)
2007-03-07 04:09 pm UTC (link)
There's this boy at school who is rather... amazing :P He's cute, funny and ever so immature, but he is (of course) in with the 'popular' crowd - the group of people who other people i.e. me, arnt allowed to even look at. Its really annoying though, becasue in a lot of my lessons, and I often sit behind/near him and so half the lesson is spent trying to either not stare at him, or be subtle when I am! Not much I can do about it though. Only good thing is that he knows my name!

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(Anonymous)
2007-03-08 11:59 pm UTC (link)
When I was four I was forced to perform oral on my babysitter; I went to counselling and dealt with it. When I was nine I was cornered in a public bathroom by some man who told me to touch him; I went to counselling and dealt with it. Now I cannot get close to any person without feeling completely uncomfortable and afraid that I'm going to be hurt again. I'm afraid I will never find love and that I won't get into any serious relationships.. if any relationship. I also feel attraction to older men now, and it scares me because I feel that what happened to me caused this and that when I'm older I'll become just some sex addict who doesn't know what real love is.

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(Anonymous)
2007-05-01 04:42 pm UTC (link)
you are such a blessing.
and i thank god/fate/everything for you every single day.
thank you. you are so loved and important and i just can't get over what you mean to me.

♥

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(Anonymous)
2007-05-02 12:49 am UTC (link)
It's weird and I feel it cannot be right at all, but I'm in love with my cousin. There's a 50/50 chance we aren't related, but it's one of those things...that it wouldn't matter. We've thought we were cousins since forever, and even if we're not, we'll always feel we are. Hopeless? Yes. Awkward for me? Yes. With they return my feelings? A resounding no. It is wrong? Probably. But I thought I should tell you.

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(Anonymous)
2007-06-17 02:26 pm UTC (link)
I'm getting so obsessed with my weight, that I'm only letting myself eat two sandwiches and bowl a yoghurt a day. If I'm extremely hungry I'll eat a carrot..

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(Anonymous)
2007-09-01 12:52 am UTC (link)
i just spent a lot of time just scrolling through your journal. it calms and relaxes me just to be around you.

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(Anonymous)
2007-10-21 01:21 am UTC (link)
my grandfather will die very much soon.
i don't feel anything.
no sadness. no regrets.
i cant even cry.

what had become of me?

they hurt me.
i shall never trust again.
they ripped me apart.
how can someone live.
i finnaly felt what it was like to hate. to really and totally hate, without the remorse.
i'm scared of myself.

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(Anonymous)
2008-02-02 05:28 pm UTC (link)
We are not each other's friends, because you haven't been adding since I came on here, and I don't really know you, but I really like your personality and who you are and... Lol this feels so weird since I don't even know you. I hope to be friends with you once you begin adding again.

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(Anonymous)
2008-02-24 10:53 pm UTC (link)
I miss talking to you. I really do. Though I know it wouldn't matter at the moment because we're both so busy. I hope we can start talking again. <3

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(Anonymous)
2008-04-18 09:55 pm UTC (link)
I´ve been passing by a lot of things.
My auntie just died and I´m so lost because she was everything for me. She raised me, was the one who taught me all I know and all I am.

The man I love just proposed his girl. it riped me so hard that i just can´t look at him in this moment. the problem is that he´s my best friend, and I gotta talk to him at sometime. the most terrible thing is, less than 2 months ago I opened my heart to him, I told him i love him, i told he´s the one to me, and now, he just tryed - yes, tryed- to propose her in front of me, but I didn´t want to see, so I entered in the restroom in that moment, and, it was what hurted me, he knew all the time I love him, and even though let wanted me to see him kneeled asking her to marry him.

I just realised i´m also in love with a girl. TEH girl. she´s my friend, she is bisexual, and I´m just to mad about kissing her, but I´m just so confused, and it´s driving me nuts.

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